Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
