forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
