now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
