I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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