he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
