are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
