If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
