at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't want my vagina anymore.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
