Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
They are going to name an STD after you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug