How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.