there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.