ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
smell my finger.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.