apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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