Plan B is the new Plan A
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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