the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
