I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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