There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
