C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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