Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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