tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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