I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
