I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
