Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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