I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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