But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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