I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
