So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
