i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
