I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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