Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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