and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize