Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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