I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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