I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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