Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Randomize
