You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
