What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
