Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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