Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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