SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
