The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
