Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
