how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
