so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
