i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
