i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
