Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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