There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
