My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
