She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
