I'm lost and stupid without you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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