Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
