you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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