why didn't you poke me back
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
