Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
