I wannas sexs uuuuu
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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