I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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