We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
