I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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