just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
