We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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