I just made out with a guy for $7.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
