I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
